A few days will be Sunday which means according to Cody “church day”. Cody doesn’t do to well in church. Matt and I think it must be too many people around and all the commotion that is involved being at church. Usually about the time I start to get Cody dressed for church he starts to get very agitated and hyper. He knows what is ahead for him. He knows he will have to talk very quiet and have minimal toys.A couple a weeks ago was know exception. Cody was going crazy just in the car. Emily and Carrie had to ride in the back with him. He gets so mad, more upset then a non-autistic child. the frustration and repetitive things he did on the way to church. Emily tried on the way to church and home to keep him in some control. While at church there was no way to satisfy him. I wasn’t sure if we were going to make it through the first hour. After the first hour he is with kids his age, singing ( not really singing.. just listening) and having a good time, quietly and in Cody s own way. The last 10 minutes he excepted a small hand held etch a sketch. Finally there was some stillness but just for a moment.
The hardest Sunday was a couple months ago. He was out of control this one Sunday. Matt had to take him out screaming, I’m feeling like a horrible mom, I’m feeling sorry for Cody not being able to handle sensory problems, and now I was handing Cody to Matt for him to deal with. On the way out Matt is carrying Cody and hes screaming “mommy mommy”. I remember just looking at my hands and rubbing them trying not to cry and the deep feeling of my stomache upset. About 10 minutes later I go out to find them because I know longer hear Cody screaming out in the hall. Thinking that all is calm and hopefully well. I leave my other children to go roam the halls and see what room they might be in. Looking everywhere and not finding them I check the parking lot to see if our car was there. When I check there was another car where ours was parked. They left for home. This isn’t good. When I arrive home. Matt is very upset. Not mad but upset like exhausted. On the way out of church Cody got so angry that he was throwing himself into the large glass door and losing complete control. When your “in the moment” of a tantrum, especially with kids with autism, sometimes you just don’t have an answer. You know what not to do. Spank or yell. But that’s what you want to do. I know that Matt firmly picked him up and put him in the car, I don’t think he could get him buckled into his car seat. There’s a lot of strength when child is very angry. Reasoning at this point is out the window, so you just get in and drive. On the way home Cody was biting himself, thrashing around in the car. Throwing himself in the middle section of the front seat and crying louder because it hurt. He would try to scratch and hit Matt and cry louder and louder. Matt got him out of the car with more scratching and hitting and put him to bed. He sat for a bit and then fell over in exhaustion. When I finally got there (using my dads car) Matt told me the whole story and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I went to his room to check on him and he was sleeping very calmly. Cody woke up about a half how later sat in my lap with his blankie. I asked him very quietly non confronting if he got mad at church. We sat for about 10 more minutes and then what we call his regret stage sets in. When Cody is being so regretful and the confusion in his face makes me want to cry every time. Children with autism are so out of touch with emotions they just don’t understand what is going on.
http://www.brighttots.com/autism_and_tantrums.html. This is out of Bright Tots websight
Tantrums are one of the most common problems in young
children with autism. They may appear to go into a state of
rage, panic, anxiety or fear for no reason at all. This might
involve screaming, crying, resisting contact with others, or
pushing others away. Unfortunately for individuals with autism
and their families, ‘tantrums’ and destructive behaviors are
especially common, among children. The problem seems to be
that it is more difficult for parents to prevent ‘tantrums’ in
children with autism, the child seems inconsolable during the
‘tantrum’, the episode might last a long time, and consist of
more aggressive behavior, such as hitting, biting, and pinching.
Most often the satisfaction that typically accompanies the end of
the ‘tantrum’ rarely occurs. Similar episodes of panic, anxiety,
rage or even aggression might be seen all through childhood,
adolescence and even adulthood.
Fortunately for us Cody has gotten better and after a mild tantrum on Saturday he actually expressed to me what made him upset. In a way that Cody could understand I talked briefly to him about his feelings. I think he might have got it. This is a milestone in autism. Hip Hip Hooray for Cody!!
“The mother’s heart is the child’s schoolroom.”
- Henry Ward Beecher
I love my kids, And I love Cody and everything he brings into our family. All of us have learned from him.
